What if shame isn’t your enemy, but your greatest teacher? Is that even possible...?

Alright, hear me out..I know shame has a bad reputation, and for good reason. It can be crippling, paralyzing, and just straight-up toxic when it’s used against us in the wrong way. But I’ve been thinking… what if shame isn’t the enemy? What if, instead of something we have to completely erase, it’s actually a tool we can use?

think about it. Shame exists for a reason, right? It’s wired into us. It’s that feeling that tells us, “hey, maybe don’t do that again,” or “Something about this doesn’t sit right with me.” It can be a signal, a way for us to check in and reassess, rather than just a thing we need to escape from.

But here’s the thing. Not all shame is useful. A lot of us carry unearned shame...the kind that comes from childhood conditioning, unrealistic societal expectations, or just straight-up people making us feel bad for things that weren’t actually wrong. We all relate to this in a way or another. That kind of shame? Thats the one that keeps people stuck, self-loathing, and disconnected from themselves. This is actually what Jung meant with the idea of integrating the shadow.

But earned shame wwhich is the kind that comes when we actually do something that goes against our values..that one can serve a purpose. It’s like a builtin accountability system. The problem isn’t shame itself, it’s how we handle it. Do we let it spiral into self-hatred? Or do we sit with it, figure out what it’s telling us, and use it to grow? Again sitting with it is another aspect of shadow integration which is a Jungian idea.

I think a lot of the “get rid of shame entirely” movement misses this nuance. Shame is a strong emotion, and in psychology avoiding and getting rid of emotions in general is not a good idea at all (what you resist persists). Shame isn’t always bad it’s what we do with it that matters.

So what do you think?