Today my therapist said my deadname

tw for that I guess.

I started seeing my therapist several months ago and she's been great... until today. She was talking about the needs that weren't met in my childhood and how to basically go back and meet them now. Then she said "I'm going to use your deadname here," and I said "no." She then went on to ask "when you look back at that childhood version of you do you see little [chosen name] or little [deadname]?"

I asked her what the difference was, that that's the same person with a different name and presentation. She asked why it bothered me so much to hear that name then.

I had that calm anger at that point and said "Because that's my dead name and the only people who use it anymore use it to hurt me, and I shouldn't have to hear it from my therapist, who is supposed to be a safe person."

I just don't know what to do now. I feel betrayed, I feel like my trust has been destroyed, and I feel like I'm going to struggle to trust her in the future. This was my very last safe place in the world and she just took that from me. I'm dreading therapy next week.

I don't want to switch therapists because she's helped me more than any other therapist, and if I switch I know I just wont go for years. How do I come back from this? What do I do? How can I trust her to be a safe person when she deliberately did something that I asked her not to do? And when she clearly doesn't understand the trans experience like I thought she did? She has a gay daughter, I thought that she understood lgbt issues better, but I guess she doesn't.

This has been eating at me for the last couple of hours since I left and I just didn't know what to do. I called the office to see if she had any available appointments this week but she doesn't. They asked why I was asking and I told them that I didnt want to get anyone in trouble and I'm not trying to switch therapists or anything, then told them what had happened. They said they'd relay the message to her and let me know if any appointments come available but now I'm honestly more anxious that she's going to be mad that I like "told on her" or something, even though thats not what I was trying to do.

What do you guys think I should do? Opinions on what happened welcome too.