Please Help Me

My daughter will be 3 in March. She has been so good up to this point. She was a great baby, slept through the night by 7 months, hit all her milestones, potty trained early, talked early etc. This new stage is going to put me in the mental hospital, I swear. EVERYTHING is a battle and I mean everything. I get that its developmentally appropriate for her to push boundaries and develop atanonomy but im struggling hard with where to draw the line. An outline of a typical morning for example:

Wake up at 7AM. Breakfast: Do you want cereal or pancakes? Pancakes, ok. Make her 2 pancakes, put 1 on the plate "I don't want 1, I want 2!!". Put the 2nd on the plate. "I want 3!". "You have 2. If you finish those I will make you a 3rd". Eats one pancake OR cereal. Pour cereal into bowl "I wanna pour it!!". Tell her the cereal is already in the bowl, she can pour it next time. Go to pour the milk in. "I wanna pour the milk in"!Give her milk in a separate small container so she can pour it herself. She pours it in and now "I don't want milk!" followed by tears and screams. Ultimately, half hour later we get through breakfast.

Time to get dressed. I pick out her clothes. Pink shirt, black leggings. "I don't want those pants, that shirt, etc!"! Throws then across the room. Ok fine, refold clothes. Take her to her dresser to let her pick out her clothes. Show her 3 shirts, none of which she wants. Tell her, these are your options, we need to get dressed, you need to pick one of these shirts. "I want the (original) pink shirt, black leggings, etc" all while whining.

Time to brush teeth. Take her to the bathroom and ask "do you want to put the toothpaste on or should I?", runs away. I put the toothpaste on. Bring her back to the bathroom. Cries "I wanted to put the toothpaste on!" and purses lips so ww can't brush her teeth. I give in, rinse the toothpaste off and let her do it herself. She needs 2 hands to squeeze the toothpaste so I offer to hold the toothbrush. "No, I wanna do it all by myself!". Watch her struggle for what feels like hours, she cries. I put the toothpaste on. We brush her teeth. I tell her I'm very happy she decided to let me help and brush her teeth. She smiles "Yay, mommy! My teeth are all clean".

Many more examples for further situations. Which coat, no coat, etc. Car seat. Daycare. Dinner time. Bath time. Bed time. The words are interchangeable- it's all the same battle.

How is everyone dealing with this without snapping on our kids? My patience is running very thin. My husband says I spoil her. I can't find the balance.