I just can't stand being destroyed like that

I am 23 years old male.

The tinnitus started 4 months ago from an unknown cause, went to the ENT and then to the nerologist and they sent me to do an MRI, got to the MRI, they gave me headphones, was in the machine about 45-50 minutes, head out, and life went on. This was 2 months ago. MRI showed no issues.

Now I have a ridiculous tinnitus in both ears, and I have learned I could have gotten better ear protection at my MRI at the form of earplugs under the headphones, and there are many people who got hurt by the sound of MRIs already, and the headphones are not always enough, especially for tinnitus patients. And the thought I could have gotten a much better case of tinnitus, or it could have resolved by now, only if I got extra earplugs, is driving me completely crazy.

I had much better time without knowing this, "The tinnitus is just a result of my own body, stuff happens, let's move on, it may get better" is what I used to say to myself. Not any more, know all passing through my mind is "I trusted them, they should have known what they are doing, I got hurt because of them, it will now never go away, I will go to sleep in pain forever will they sleep like a baby".

Thoughts like "why didn't they give me earplugs?" , "I had thoughts it can be loud why didn't I bring my own?", "Why didn't I tell them I have tinnitus?", "Why did I gave them so much trust?"

I called the MRI center and they shrugged me off like they never heard a complaint and they don't know what I am talking about, I talked with mt neurologist and he said he never got a complaint like that.

I am at a loss, I didn't have these feelings before, I just assumed any worsening I had was unrelated, and I was calmer, and habituated to the tinnitus better.

These thoughts just don't stop coming to the point I am afraid I will have PTSD. I need to find another therapist to just go through these.

I am falling to depression, I struggle to get out of bed, to find joy in what I used to love, to interact with friends and family, and I am afraid to lose my job.

The worst thought by far is "The tinnitus might have gone away in time only if I just got additional earplugs in that exam, and now, I will struggle with it forever, because the doctors decided to blast my ears when they were most fragile, thinking I will know how loud is an MRI machine and prepare accordingly"

These thoughts might just be worse then the tinnitus itself.