Just need help

Hi I’m new to this and this is my first ever post but I need some advice and suggestions I’m at a loss of what to do but let me start from the beginning I’m F 19 and my ex M 21 was supposed to have my daughter August of 24 but unfortunately just two days after my birthday:20 week ultrasound I went to the hospital with very bad lower back pain and bad cramps long story short I found out my daughter had to heart beat and that really destroyed my both mentally and emotionally now thought out my whole pregnancy me and my ex was not together because I found out through friends that he was cheating with one of my closest family members to me on top of that he had it clear he wanted nothing to do with my child so he found out about the loss from his brother as that was the only person I had contact with at the time so while sitting in the hospital I got a very long text from him saying I was “no good” and “unless” etc but I couldn’t do what a woman was made to do so I also told myself I wasn’t having any more kids but I really felt like my body just wasn’t made for it witch bring us to now with my current boyfriend so I have the birth control that goes in you upper arm I have had it since having my daughter back in June, and on top of that we use protection, but as of recently that said protection broke in the middle of us doing the deed this all happened about a month ago and I have yet to see my period. I’m really at a loss of what to do. I’m too terrified to take a test where I live. You can technically still get an abortion but both sides of family don’t believe in that and I don’t either personally with everything going on. I’ve been having more and more panic attacks and they come back to back. I’ve been going about my day like everything‘s wrong when I know it’s not and it’s eating me up inside a lot of people don’t understand why I’m terrified. They keep saying this is God way of telling me something or that it’s a blessing in disguise and I just don’t know yet I believe everything does happen for a reason but I’m not seeing the reason I’ve have this birth control I for 7-8 months now and it has seem to work pretty well the pass few months I don’t know if I’ll update or not but I really just need help and advice and lost I’ve already had 3 panic attacks within this last hour I have work at 7 In the morning but I can’t sleep all I ask is you everyone to keep it positive and no hate please