Utterly defeated.

As the title states I'm absolutely defeated. My wife and I She has two older teenaged kids one nearly 18.

My love my wife, she has chronic health conditions and I'm very dutiful in how I look after her despite holding down a very demanding job in the OR and mobility issues of my own from a spine condition. In October last year she had a major procedure and in January another emergency procedure but she is doing well.

I get the kids are in their own way affected by this and we actively involve them with what's going on to ensure they are ok. They do visit dad and his partner every other week which for me is absolutely blessed !

Frustratingly befitting their age they are also entitled, lazy messy and disrespectful. Especially the eldest I have had enough, I'm tried over and over to coralle them to help out, They may do the bare minimum here and there and then come hands outstretched with the begging bowl. I've had enough, my life aside from looking after my wife and holding down work in pain and discomfort of my own feels like a life of utter servitude picking up after these two entitled overgrown shits.

They just refuse to follow simple requests like bring down dishes ( I don't want them to eat upstairs but it's overridden by my wife) I even have to remind them to flush the toilet at 17 and 15?! I lost my last remaining Grandparent just before Christmas and I still haven't processed this, I haven't had the chance every thing I do is with a broken heart.

I have spoken to their paternal dad whom I do get along with. He says he'll have a word but there's no result. They run a tighter ship at their house I tried to do that here but my wife who can be very "mums and sons" wouldn't have it. So rods are made for my back that I didn't even make myself.

I finally cracked the other day, I needed a hand with the borderline abusive amounts of laundry that we seen to abe every other day ( I suspect one of them is just mixing his clean clothes with the dirty ones just to avoid putting them away) He wouldn't get up, still in bed at 2pm (week off college refuses to look for a part time job) wouldn't let go of the sheet when I pulled it off him and I pulled so hard he stood up out of bed. I stopped, it potentially could have gotten worse. I stormed out which I've never done before, I drove to a nearby nature reserve and cried my eyes out.

I've had a good relationship with them but right now it's so hard and I'm done in.

I'm thinking about withdrawing as a step parent and just being a husband. I gave a lot willingly to raise these two with their mum and I know they are going through it with their mum's illnesses but surely when I'm bustung my balls in half to look after her I don't deserve to treated like crap and a slave?

My wife does tend to side with them saying "they're only young" "kids are kids" Maybe so but I feel so invalidated by that and I was shocked when she asked if I was going to apologise to the eldest for pulling him out of bed up to his feet?!

I said I'll nail my balls to a doorframe before I apologise!

It was left at that.

Seriously I don't know what to do with myself right now. I'm just done!