I broke up with her

I (34M) met her through a dating app, she was 26 with a 2 year old son. She had broken up with the father 1 year beforehand because he cheated on her, and because he was a narcissist (I never met him, but she told me). We had a great time together, she was a great mother, a person with empathy, and the sex was unbelievable. Also she wanted two more kids, which is perfect for me, because I want two kids.

She really hated the kids biological father, and told me all about it. And some of the things she said proved to be true, when he among other things, didn't pick the kid up from kindergarten, when it was his weekend.

So she told me that if this was gonna work, I had to treat her son like my own son, and raise him like my own. If we were gonna have two kids together, I can make no difference between all three children. And she could not promise me that the ex wouldn't be a problem (Of course).

So I was back and forth with myself for months, I have to meet this kids family, meet the biological father at all these event, drive her kid her and there. Like, be a caretaker to this kid but not actually be the father.

Economically we were very different, I have an apartment with two bedrooms, I have 120k$ a year and a good car without loan, and built myself up pretty well from a poor family. She didn't have a house, 50k$ a year, student loan of 30k$ and a car loan of 20k$.

So, if we were to have a family with three kids, going from a 3 bedroom (two kids), to a 4 (two kids + stepkid) bedroom house costs over 100k$ extra here. And we need a big car like a VW Buzz or something. And she can't get a loan because she needs 10% equity capital, which mean she has to save up 60k$ to get a loan of 100k$ (50k loan + 10k saved money)

This means I have to pay for everything and max out my mortgage. And this locks me in this high stress job. But I don't know if I can keep up with my job for years to come, my job is really stressful. And at some point I want to switch jobs to something more pleasant with half the salary.

So I with all these stressful thoughts, I broke up with her. It's been a month, and I can't stop thinking about her. She was the perfect person for me personality wise, but I could not make myself risk everything I made for myself and my mental health for this other man's child.

My dream is to find a women with her life together like me, and have two kids, and support my own children with everything I have. I hope I'm not too old for that.