Left with the breadcrumbs

I was thinking of this recently. I realise I’m in a state of depression and it’s not making me feel very positive, so I understand it may be out of line.

This is my first serious relationship with someone. It’s the first time I’ve moved in with someone. But for her, she is 9 years older than me. She married someone, had a child and was living with them when I was only 13 - the age her child is right now. By the time they were divorced, I was only 17.

I often think about the freedom and the growth together they had as a couple to experience the world together and the joys of growing up, getting their own place together, going on dates, experiencing their early 20’s together and having fun before settling down properly to have a child.

Now I’m left with the breadcrumbs. I gave her my all and now I’m dealing with the misery and responsibility of her decisions with another man. He’s barely in his sons life, he doesn’t pay child support. So a large chunk of my money is going toward the food for his son.

I’m going to break up with her soon. I was thinking after Christmas so I don’t ruin the holidays. I hate thinking like this but I can’t be the only one.