Difficulty orgasming with a partner

I (22F) got into my first relationship in the past year. Before my bf I never masterbated and never orgasmed so I’ve really just been discovering my sexuality with since getting with my bf. I started exploring myself alone to figure out what works for me and managed to give myself my first clitoral orgasm and I’ve been learning what gets me going since then. The thing is, I’ve quickly learned that I have a hard time getting anywhere with manual clit stimulation if I’m not fantasizing about things I’ve done or want to do with my bf. My clit hardly feels sensitive unless I get myself going mentally. If I’m alone it can take 40-60 minutes for me to orgasm from just manual stimulation and even then I might not orgasm at all after all that time. But with mental stimulation I can take anywhere from 5-15 minutes to orgasm. So I’d say my orgasms are 40% manual stimulation and 60% mental.

I’ve also discovered that I’m obsessed with giving my bf blowjobs and having him cum anywhere on me or in my mouth and I get dripping wet off it. So when I masterbate I always think about it and I pretty much always cum from it. But the tricky part is I struggle to orgasm with my bf. He puts in a lot of effort with oral and fingering my clit but it just doesn’t feel very sensitive and I don’t get the rush I get from fantasizing when I’m alone. I really don’t want him to feel any sort of guilt because I’m really sexually satisfied with him and this feels like more of an issue on my end. But I’d really like to figure out a way to orgasm from just manual stimulation so we can share that too. I guess I’m more of a giver than a receiver (unless I’m receiving his cum lol) but he also wants to give too.

We’ve tried 69ing but once I have his dick in my mouth I can’t even register anything else except how much I I love having him in my mouth. I’ve also tried riding his face but I often end up with an overstimulated clit. I’m thinking next I might try a vibrator out to see if that will help but I’m really worried it won’t work for me. I’m not sure about PIV orgasms since I suspect I have vaginismus and I’ve recently begun dilator treatment for it. I guess it feels kind of frustrating hearing about other women who are able to get off so easily from just manual stimulation while it’s so difficult for me.

Anyone else have a similar experience or found way to make orgasms work with a partner?