I relapsed after being 4 months clean.. :(

Shit..I thought I was doing so good..I didn’t have any thoughts of sh for so long. But fuck, my scars keep reminding me recently of how it feels to sh..I couldn’t stop myself and I grabbed the blade..I don’t think I’m going to be able to stay clean for a while..I don’t know what to do Becuase it summer and I don’t want anyone to find out about this..I fucking hate this! Why do I have to be like this? Why do I always reach for the blade? I’m ruining myself, im covered in scars..no one will love a girl who hurts herself.