Reaching out..

So I’m not from here. Moved from Iowa back in 22’ with a girl and her daughter. We were together 5 years and my entire identity and purpose was based upon them. Everything I did. Everyone I knew. They’re gone now. If you want more details I posted in here a few months ago when it happened.. She cheated, and moved to Alabama to be with the person, but that’s not the point of this post.

I have recently realized I am terrible anymore at making friends. I used to be the happiest person, could talk to anyone. But it seems I’ve lost myself.

Since June I’ve done nothing but work/workout/go home. I’ve cut myself off from the world and I’m not sure how to reenter it. As I said I’m not from here so it’s even more intimidating to think about just going out somewhere alone. I’m afraid I’ll be the weird guy who just sits there by himself all night.

My lease is up 12/31/24.. and Im being forced to decide whether I want to resign again for 6 months and live alone in the home that reminds me of them 24/7.. or move back to Iowa.

But the thought of moving back makes me feel like a failure and I don’t want to regret atleast not getting out and trying to meet people.. or someone..

And at the same time the thought of staying and just being alone all the time is not any better..

I just wish I had friends, or someone I could atleast attempt to go out with, or do things with.

I enjoy almost anything.. I’m always down to try something new.. I just want to experience life.

I don’t feel like I’m living, but just existing day to day.