Phobie from penises

I put it in 18+ because we talk about penises and stuff like thats all.

Im a young Trans Guy, Im searching for what I like and how I want to transition. I know i want too surgery, I wanna start T but I have to do research (you can also tell me stuff about it if you want) but I dont want to do a phallo.

Im scared of penises. Because of some problems due to SA and stuff like that. Im afrzid its contritory even if i dont want to do a phallo. Like i feel like a boy but im scared of boy part. Also im both gay and pansexual.

Im afrzid that it makes me less valid.

Do you maybe have advixe how to feel less invalid and maybe less scared of penises.

And maybe tell me more about transition (i havent started mine expert some cloths and a haircut)