Oof ow [possible tw: surgery/medical talk]

I’m really sad rn but I don’t have anyone I can talk to about it irl and my online friends aren’t available atm so here I am

Without too much detail because I tend to ramble a lot, over the past year I’ve had a number of increasing bad skin infections. As a result, I was basically told that by some chance of luck, I’m now a lot more prone to a) getting an infection again and b) it getting bad

I completely forget how this came up but my doctor said that I probably shouldn’t have any surgeries unless they’re important/urgent/unavoidable.

And it just hit me that because of this stupid thing that I never asked for, I’m most likely not gonna get top surgery or bottom surgery. I was always more iffy about bottom, but top has been something I’ve wanted since I was like 11ish (and that’s just when I knew top surgery was like a thing, the broader idea was there a lot longer). I’m 18 now for reference

I still don’t think it’s fully set in yet either cause I have the emotional state of “staring into space” (that’s the best/only way I can describe it) rn. When it does I’ll probably be a incoherent wreck but wait and see I guess