My dad’s first day at a memory care facility

This happened so suddenly. I thought I had so much more time with him at his home (my childhood home). I trust my mom (I’m an only child) that this was the right decision. I understand there were several issues that are not safe — microwaving cans of snails (I know 😭), putting a pan on the stove and turning it on and leaving it… but I am just devastated. I stayed longer than my mom with him there tonight and just left and sobbed in my car the whole way home. He wasn’t even upset. He was sweet about it. this disease has somehow made him sweeter sometimes, which is so strange…he used to be a bit cruel and combative, and we always had a complicated relationship but one that was always loving at the heart of it. I expected anger and agitation and heartbreak tonight. I am shocked that wasn’t what it was! When he asked about going “home” (for the past 5 years he has not viewed his home for the last 40 years as “home”…home to him I guess is his home in his childhood town that was sold 60 years ago) I said “we’ll do that tomorrow,” instead of my usual (when he’s at his actual house) “you are home!” I hated seeing him as this old man that I was leaving alone. The people with him around the table in the main room…I can’t imagine him with them. They were nearly catatonic. He is still funny and witty and verbal. He needs people to talk to who are on his level…I want to think this is for the best but I can’t stop crying. I just don’t want him to ever feel scared or lonely or sad. And that place seemed lonely and sad to me. I’ll go every day but I feel so fragile…I don’t know how to handle this without crying all day every day. This is just so awful. Idk. Sorry. I just wanted to put this somewhere.