Why are you so quiet?

Putting this as rant/vent but i guess it could kind of count as a discussion thing? It's mostly a vent anyways.

Anyone else have people ask them why they're so quiet? Been asked alot, never know what to say. Today someone at work asked me why and i just said pretty much that its anxiety and it just doesnt come naturally.

Then I went down a rabbit hole in my head thinking about how the heck I would actually explain it to someone beyond that, without just saying "oh, autism". I don't want to tell people im autistic because as far as i can tell there's just too much stigma and people who think they know what it is but actually don't. I don't want people to know. But i can't just go "oh, i have a disorder" because that doesn't really solve anything, does nothing for me, and whoever I tell will get nothing out of that. But I also can't just say "I have a disorder where..." Because there's way too much to explain, how it affects me, what it does, what it means or I don't know, anything. Enough for someone to properly understand. Then I thought about briefly explaining all of this but even that would take to long and wouldn't accomplish much. Id just explain thing after thing and I highly doubt anyone would listen and after all that id just be upset I think, and what can the other person even do about it anyway. Nothing really. And would they really understand? Probably not. They might think I'm lying, or just not listen, or care at all. And then still they would probably just think oh so theres something wrong with you or whatever, I don't know if anyone here understands but that just seems so dehumanising to me, i hate that. Oh you have a disorder, you're not human you're not normal. Sucks.

Then I remembered I went to these weird like therapy things when I was younger. Like not therapy but kind of the same thing I think, for autism I think I don't even know it was too long ago I was too young. But I just remember getting nothing out of it looking back. No help, no understanding, just nothing. I remember mum getting very angry at me one time because I wouldn't talk as much as she wanted me too. She was driving she got really mad and said something like "I take you to these places so you can be fixed!!" I remember that made me feel really bad, but I was a kid I didn't understand. Didn't realise that autism isn't something that's cute able or fixable it's who we are, just, a label for how we are. Realising that she just didn't and probably still doesn't understand at all. Bleh.

And then I remembered school. Fuck school in general, even without autism but yeah, with it. Was hell. Noone helped noone cared noone seemed to understand just. I'm sure I don't need to explain it, alot of you probably know what I mean and probably had similar experiences.. unfortunately.

This was mostly a vent as it turned out, wondering if anyone had any similar experiences or know what I mean or even what you do when people ask why you're quiet or any similar things.

have a good one