(29F) Unspoken Resentment/Insecurity Towards Boyfriend due to Bluntness after Sex

Hi everyone,

I’m a late bloomer and only started having sex in my late 20s with my only my current boyfriend (31M) and was a virgin before I met him, but had a couple of relationships previously. Through my early to mid twenties it was very hard to penetrate me, likely due to a mental block, and might have had undiagnosed vaginismus.

With my boyfriend I felt comfortable enough and finally was able to have sex and enjoy it although I do not orgasm from PIV. My boyfriend does have a small penis which I am okay with. After the second time we had sex he told me afterwards that I needed to lose weight and do kegels and move more during sex.

I am overweight right now at 200 lbs, and I have been trying to lose weight and get fit for myself to be healthy. I am new to having sex and we don’t get to see each other often and it is hard for me to practice on him.

I haven’t felt insecure about my body for the past 2 years but he’s made me feel insecure in a way I haven’t felt since high school. I feel even if I do these things, I’m not doing it for myself but for his own desires and it causes me to resent him.

He is more of a blunt person and I’m fine with him telling me the things and working together to improve. The way he did so felt rude, and it makes me feel alone and responsible for things that will take time. I am not sure either that even if I do these things for sex it’s going to result in a better experience.

Seeking advice on what to do in this scenario and how to bring it up to him.