Paths not taken...

To old memories, and paths not taken. To the moments we stared at each other. To my mistakes, and yours. To wasted time, and unspoken words, and an email I never got to read. To your happiness, with or without me. To this lingering connection, giving me something beyond the mess I made of my life in the last seven years. To understanding there is more to my life than my mistakes. There are deeper things than what I have lived. And deeper love that I have known.

We are probably soulmates, whatever that means. And I knew, I knew the moment I first saw you and recognized you... So familiar. "Hey it's YOU! Oh my god it's you." And that, that moment has stayed with me all these long years. Mostly apart. Mostly sitting in a silence I now know neither of us actually wanted. And I blame myself for that. But I was young when we met. And... not yet capable of being who I needed to be.

A couple years ago I had this dream. I remember very little of it, as when I tried to recount it to my sister she reminded me that I would "never be with" you and that I was crazy. So all I remember of it now is your beautiful face, a deep sense of peace that lasted for hours upon waking, and these words. "Oh. Of course it's you. Who else would it be?"

So... unexpected and yet expected, because of course it was you. it will always be you. Who else would it be?