my body doesn’t stop shaking

i don’t even know where to begin. i feel so crappy, so tired and so so panicky.

i’m living a monotonous life on survival mode. noises scare me, my body doesn’t stop shaking and my throat keeps closing whenever i feel like crying or anxious.

i have these incomplete panic attacks or jitters, i have these suicidal thoughts, and i engage in sh. but last night was terrible.

i binged on food. i’ve never done that before. i feel horrible. i ate two packets of chips and two bars of chocolates and i feel horrible. i’ve never eaten so much at one go in my life. i’m shaking so much. i just feel horrible and i feel the urge to hurt myself even more.

since a few days my dad has stopped speaking to me all of a sudden. i don’t know what’s happening but i feel so scared, like a little child. i’m in my twenties, im not supposed to feel this way. everything makes me jumpy, i have weird thoughts, no sleep - just 3-4 hours. i work from home. i live with my parents. it’s not acceptable in my culture for women to move out unless it’s for marriage.

i feel so shaky, so scared, so sensitive. why doesn’t my dad talk to me anymore?

but at the end of every month when he needs money he comes to me. he’s been unemployed for almost three years now. my mom doesn’t make much, i don’t make much. i feel so scared.

i just don’t know what’s to do. i don’t go out of my house. i don’t exercise in my house because my mom and dad sexualise everything i do and objectify me. i have no privacy and i feel so scared like a little kid.

every time the doorbell rings, i go to check and i get this flash that i will move the curtain away and someone is standing at the gate pointing a gun at me.

i’m so scared of living, i don’t know what to do. i have no friends, no one to talk to. my therapist quit the organisation she was working at.

i’m scared, i feel like an insect, my body is shaking since i woke up. i regret eating so much yesterday. i wasn’t even that hungry. i am so stupid. why did i eat so much?

i have to work now but my parents walking around, im shaking so much. what if they see that and i cry in front of them?

i’m sorry if this is stupid or less serious than what is posted here. and sorry for any mistakes in my posts.

edit: thank you so much everyone for reaching out in comments and dms, i really appreciate it. i was working the entire day and my body was fine but i got off work a while ago and im back to being a pesky, crippled insect. i thought its the winter shivers so i ate something warm and this doesnt stop. i’m unable to even cry properly.

but thank you everyone for your kind response, i really appreciate them all.