I’m feeling disappointed in my sexual turn ons and what gets me off.

Sorry is going to be a bit of a rant with a lot of nsfw details but I’m hoping someone might relate.

For as long as I can remember I’ve only ever been invested in a man’s pleasure during sex. I had no sexual experience before my first relationship at age 21, never even masturbated so I had to figure out what I like. And it turns out the only thing I’m turned on by is a man using me for his pleasure. Receiving oral does nothing for me, there’s no sensation at all. I’ve only reliably orgasmed by touching myself while giving a blowjob or being facefucked. And I’m so turned on by rough penetration. I’d jump at the chance to try anal if a man really wanted it. I just want a man to see me as something to use for his own pleasure during sex and it gets me off. But I kind of feel sad about it all.

I wish I could feel pleasure from just being pleasured instead of it being tied to a man’s pleasure. I wish I could enjoy receiving oral and just be selfish. I’m so jealous of women that can orgasm from oral. I’m so jealous of women that can orgasm from being on top or from someone else stimulating their clit. I know this is just how I am but sometimes I just wish I could rewire my brain. I’m just a bit ashamed because the sort of sex that wildly turns me on is the sex I see most women rightfully complaining about. I just feel like I’ve been dealt a bad hand.