This isn't about the meal you didn't cook...

Husband and I have been having trouble for a long time. Mental health, financial. Romance has completely died on my end and we have the same talks month after month where I break down and he doesn't seem to understand what adults should do next. We are (28M) and (32F).

I just wanted to get this out there because in this new year I have decided to selfishly give up on doing it all and focus solely on me. For 6 years I have made sure we had a roof over our head, food in our bellies, and a way to get by. He cannot keep a job, blames his chronic pain and mental health which he is finally getting help for. But this isn't about that. Heck, it's not even about the food he didn't cook..

It's new year's day. My family culture traditionally makes a specific meal for this day. It is super simple and he has loved it since I introduced it to him years ago. Since then we have either made it or been to family where they have made it.

Today I went out with my mother to shop and run errands. Normally this takes a little longer but we were tired since we were both recovering from sickness around Christmas time. I get home with everything and nothing has been done. No chores, no follow-up on the laundry I started. It's 1:38pm. No meat in the oven..

I have to clean a pan and get the food in the oven and he comes out of the bedroom. He starts asking how to make it. I tell him that he knows how. It is literally three steps; little children in our family could do it I swear. And he keeps asking and I'm like WHY? And he said he was GOING to put it in before I got home but didn't because he didn't know how to do it.

I asked him if there was any way he could have found out how to do it?? My mother. My grandmother. My sisters who don't eat it but know how to make it. My brothers? The internet? And he said the phrase I keep hearing time and time again.. "I was trying to..."

I feel... god, gaslit isn't the word. Bullshitted? I keep hearing him say "I'm TRYING to....(fill in the blank)" and never see real results. It feels like zero effort. Less than zero effort. It is now almost 7pm and I am finishing the food and sending servings out because who ever cooks it gives it away to family for the most part. And I am just sitting here tired, annoyed, frustrated..

Men CANNOT be this helpless. This cannot be our future and our ball and chains... And he just went about his day. Because it still got done. And he will say I did such a good job and I cook it so well. I don't even want to share with him. He didn't need to cook it. He didn't need to do anything. But he always ahs to say he was ABOUT to or GOING to do something when I have to do it..

I'm not sure what I needed from this other than to be able to get it out. Maybe to hear others with similar stories? So I don't feel so alone in this process..

****EDIT: because I see this a lot, we are both neurodivergent. He has a psych and therapist that he got recently. He has depression and some sort of other issue, potentially CPTSD.

I feel awful saying this but I had my own issues for the first half of our relationship and I fought to get help. I got help. I have meds and a therapist. But even when I was in the pits of despair and throes of my mental health issues, I still was the one who begged and borrowed to make sure we didn't die or we had rent or our lights turned back on.

Do I love him? Yes. Can he be tender and caring? Of course. Am I dead inside now? Yes. We BOTH have been shitty in the past. But I've always held down the fort, and I'm tired. I can't care about someone else more than they care about themselves. I can't continue to not be able to rely on someone to take care of the animals or check the oil in the car or take the trash down the road to the dump or tell me the pets need more food for the month or to collect eggs or to scoop cat litter. Tired. Depleted.