My husband thinks I'm unattractive

He told me this while we were in the middle of a fight yesterday.

We verbally agruing about how he doesnt stand up for me when his coworkers bully me and make fun of me, how he doesn't spend time with me, doesn't seem to care about me in general, kicked me out of a party he threw because he didn't want me there after the said bullying happened to make the other girls feel better.

He told me I'm controlling because I don't like the fact he stays friends with the people who make my life miserable, who physically pushed me around, say nasty things to my face and behind my back, in general just treated like a social leper and told I'm not wanted around constantly.

Then after going off about how I don't like when he watches the fb reels of half naked girls dancing, to which I replied i was insecure about my own body and don't feel comfortable with him watching those videos, he goes I'm not with you for your body, I am with you for your wonderful personality.

My heart broke into a million pieces.

I'll grant, I'm not the prettiest person. I've constantly been bullied my whole life, being called ugly and fat by so many people I thought were friends. I'm overweight and I have been working on loosing it because I'm not happy with myself either after pregnancy and surgeries.

But to hear my husband doesn't find me attractive fucking broke me. I keep thinking back, he has never once told me I'm beautiful, like your supposed to when you are in love with someone. He only calls me sexy during sex and I'm pretty sure it's when I was giving him a blow job.

Why is he even with me? Because I do everything for him. I cook, I clean, I take care of his kids, one who isn't even mine. I drive him around constantly because he doesn't have a license or a vehicle. He racked up so much debt in my name. I'm just a chauffer and maid to him. A quick fuck when he feels like it, never when I want to or when he does, it feels like he isn't into it.

I have been looking deeply at myself, how could I let this happen to me again, I already left a DV situation and I ended up in another just without the physical abuse. All other signs are there, the emotional abuse, the financial abuse. Am I that unworthy of love? I keep ending up with men who use me for sex and the things I can do for them, never getting anything in return. No wonder I have never received a birthday, mother's day, Christmas present from him.

I'm just struggling to figure out what to do next because even though he says he loves me and he's in this marriage for the rest of our lives, I can not get past this.

I tried so hard to get past his infidelity in the past, and we agrue over it when I ask to see his phone, VALID as he has access to mine and he's the one who cheated on me. Both of us bring it up in arguments me more than him, because I can't trust him anymore. He can't do a simple 5 minute task of putting away dishes or cleaning out the sink drains, things I have asked for MONTHS to have help with around the house, since I was tired of feeling like a servant in my own home.

But me standing up for myself is the problem and what makes him say this. How can you even say that to someone who you claim to love? Why marry me? Why lie so much?

All it does is cause heartbreak when I think about it. And all I can do is think about it.