My husband is rapidly getting worse.

DISCLAIMER: PLEASE DO NOT TELL ME HOW MUCH I NEED TO LEAVE. MY HUSBAND TOLD ME VERY SPECIFICALLY HE WILL FIGHT FOR CUSTODY AND I CANT AFFORD HIM HAVING ANY TYPE OF CUSTODY WITH MY SON. THAT IS WHY I AM STILL WITH MY HUSBAND AND HAVE BEEN TRYING TO MAKE THINGS WORK

Our son 4 months old and is the SWEETEST baby. He self soothes a good chunk of the time, is easy to put to sleep, and is happy most of the time.

Lately, I noticed that he is more affectionate towards me. He’ll smile at me, laugh with me, coo at me and settle easily with me. I CONSTANTLY shower him with affection and praise because I believe it’s good for his development and helps with independence because he knows somebody will be there for him if he can’t immediately accomplish something.

He doesn’t show my husband the same level of affection. He smiles, coos, and laughs, but just not as often. And he’s been more fussy with him the past few days. I still try to get our son to engage with him so his dad doesn’t feel left out. My husband is RARELY home despite being unemployed. He constantly is finding an excuse to leave the house. He volunteers at his church consistently every Friday, is gone all Sunday (10 AM-8 PM) for service, and is gone at least two more days out of the week doing some miscellaneous favor he just CAN’T say no to. It’s been like this since my son was BORN. Meanwhile, it’s basically been just my son and I since the beginning so I feel like of course he is a little closer to me and I’ve become his default parent.

So tonight, our son was fussing because he was overtired. It’s pretty easy for me to get my son to sleep because I’m just used to it. My husband was giving it a try and our son kept fussing. I offered once to take him and he told me he could do it so I backed off. He tried for about 10 more minutes while our son was fussing and then he picked him up and started rocking him. He generally doesn’t like this and it keeps him awake. Then he held him upright instead of cradling him which made it even worse. I offered again and he declined. And said some comment about how I’m not the default parent. The baby kept fussing. Then the baby started full blown screaming and crying. I started to get upset and told him to give him to me because he was trying to spite me and it was getting on my nerves.

He completely let go of my son (did not pass him to me) and said “Here. Now when you need something I’m not going to help you. I’m not going to help you take care of him. Don’t tell me to come home from the church when you need help. You can be a single mom.” During his episode, I kept trying to shush my husband because he was raising his voice and he said “No I’m not going to be quiet I’m going to be loud. Now I’m doing this out of spite.” Then started to play his video game at a loud level.

I have super thick skin but when it comes to my son, that is the only possible way the devil can reach me. I seriously hate how he took his frustration out on our son. He just wanted to fucking go to sleep.

Edit: I AM NOT ASKING FOR ANY ADVICE ON HOW TO COPE OR STAY WITH MY HUSBAND. IF ANYBODY HAS ANY EXPERIENCE IN FAMILY COURT I WOULD GREATLY APPRECIATE MESSAGES TO HELP. There are so many cases in which the judge forces a parent to share custody with an abusive parent and they unfortunately keep abusing the child or end up killing them completely. I don’t want to take him to court and that ends up happening and he ends up killing or abusing our son out of spite. At least in this situation I am ALWAYS with our son and can ensure his wellbeing. Again, I would really appreciate all the help I can get.