Fallen into sexual depravity

I need help. I'm not sure if I'm saved or lost, but I know I need help. I always believed I was a Christian. I always thought that I had my own relationship with God. But I just feel so lost rn.

For context, I've been struggling with DPDR for about 4 years now, it is a mental condition that causes strange existential thoughts. At times, things that seem normal and mundane to most, may seem extremely horrifying and otherworldly to those with DPDR. Honestly, I've had it for so long these thoughts seem normal now. This impacts my ability to get closer to God. This is a big factor in my struggle.

Anyway, I've always struggled with lust, pornography and fornication. It's always been my biggest battle. But, recently, within the past 2ish years it's just been getting worse and worse. I've falling into absolute sexual depravity. I won't go into details, but I've done almost every filthy and immoral act you can think of.

Most of it is online, but some of it has been in person too. I hate doing these things, I want to stop, but I feel so detached from reality that it feels as if it's not even real. I feel like this stuff is destroying my mental health. I've become further and further from God, and I've strayed so far for so long I'm not sure if I can come back. I'm not sure if I ever was a child of God to begin with, but if I ever was, I'm surely a reprobate by now. I've done so many horrible wicked things knowing that they're wrong and wicked. When I try to read the bible or get close to God I just get these weird existential thoughts in my mind that make me literally shake with anxiety. I just don't know what do to. I pray constantly and tell God I need help, but, as wrong as it feels to say this, I fear as if he doesn't even hear my prayers. I just don't know what to do. I believe the bible and know I need Jesus, but I have such a weak grasp on reality at times, it's hard to even get a proper understanding of who Jesus is.

I realise this is a very rambling post, but I just need help. Idk what to do.