i wish i could have him

someone on here said their TC was the worst thing that happened to them and i lowkey agree. it’s so exhausting yet so addicting. it’s like self-punishment when you know it would never happen but you continue to get so attached and obsessed. i’m so greedy to the point it annoys me even seeing him speak to another female student. is it delusional? yes. can i control it? no.

it’s horrifying because i haven’t felt this way about somebody in a long time. he has me so interested in him to the point i started listening to the old 80’s/90’s rock that he listens to because it’s the only way i feel i can get to know him more without crossing any boundaries.

in all honesty, i don’t know what to do, but the only thing i could hope for is that eventually one day these feelings get passed on to him so he will understand how i feel. obviously i couldn’t confess them to him because i care about his career and wouldn’t want to do anything to damage it. i just hate feeling this way about him when i just wish he knew, even if it didn’t end up the way i want it to.

i feel like im going insane. it hurts. i’d wish i could lose all feelings i have for him but he gives me so much motivation in school. man.