I hate myself for doing this to my body

Its been 4 yrs of tryin to get rid of tattoo. One tattoo. I have 3 I dont want anymore but my immune system got a hit from covid and I cant to more than 1 at the time. I hate myself. 14x with just one tattoo and it is still there. They say that he put it too deep into skin plus scarred me and now they scarred me with laser as a bonus too and I just cant stop and have to deal with this pain, money loss and anxiety every time I look at myself in the mirror and I wish I wasnt so fkn dumb to ever let someone touch my body. Especially ppl who didnt even do what I wanted. I feel like Im signed for life and disfigured. This is on top of dealing with bad nose surgery plus huge port wine stain that is so expensive to remove - again laser and it doesnt work at all. Years passed and still I didnt remove Pws and didnt remove one single tattoo and even my surgery didnt go well and revision is out of question for me. I HATE MY LIFE. I SERIOUSLY DO and the funniest thing is Im fkn depressed but cant help myself with antidepressants because my body rejects them due to strong HIT. Fk it. Thank you for reading my rant. Im on the verge of givin up