Questions (a little vent)

I (14f) have been dealing with depression and anxiety since I was 10 and started self harming at 11. But I had never been suicidal until recently. I had a pretty rough breakup and it caused me to spiral and attempt suicide. I missed 2 weeks of school to be in a program for “troubled” teens. The only thing now keeping me from doing attempting again is the god awful program. Like I’ve stated before I have never been suicidal before but since I attempted it’s like all I think about. It kinda feels like a turned on a switch in my brain. Is this normal?