Trying to find what I deserve... weeding, vetting, trying not to lose self worth

Im not sure if this is because I'm extra emotional (on my period, loss of someone dear to me, anxiety) or just because it genuinely is bothering me, but here it goes.

I posted on fet trying to find someone in my area. I've been talking to people but I'm not sure they're what I am looking for (one is vanilla and new to kink, the other is a dom leaning switch). I know I should probably be straight and explicitly ask, but I'm afraid of the answer.

Dating apps are so hard and I probably need to pay for one to actually get matches near me, but then what if they're just vanilla?

I've gone to munches, but most people are too old/not in my age range or dating. Some are non monogamous, but that's not for me. I want someone who's a soft dom, but I don't know where they are! I've seen doms say they don't actively search at munches, but how do I find them? (Neither do I, since I have social anxiety lol.)

I feel like I'm weeding out everyone or they can't pass vetting. It's so exhausting. I'm hate being inexperienced, but I don't want to be unsafe. It really leads to me feeling my self worth deprecating. I've tried so hard to improve myself and heal from trauma that I feel like I missed opportunities. Perhaps 26 is just a difficult age range to date in...

At this point, I'm not sure what to do. I still plan to go to munches because I have fun and it's great knowing other subs and there's even a dom I'm comfortable asking questions to. (I'd so let them vet when it comes to that point.)

How can I keep my self worth up? I know I'm not going to settle, because I don't deserve that. It's hard to stay optimistic at times.

Sorry for rambling.