New grad with no offers

I just experienced my first panic attack in all 23 years of my life.

For context, I’m about to graduate with a BSN next Saturday... and I have no job. I’ve applied to every single hospital in my city, and been rejected by all of them. Despite having two years of healthcare experience and international medical volunteering in underserved communities, I ultimately was just not good enough. No, I did not apply only to speciality units.

I prepared thoroughly—practicing my interview responses and sharing meaningful clinical stories that demonstrated my judgment and critical thinking. Landing interviews was not hard, but none of them resulted in a job offer.

This afternoon, I got a rejection letter from the last hospital I truly thought I had a shot with. Ironically, it’s the same hospital where I currently work. I’m NOT a crier, but that rejection broke me. Surprisingly, I held it in pretty well since I read the email during my NCLEX review lecture. This shattered my confidence completely. Once the day was over, I got in my car, left campus premises, and just let everything out. So many thoughts crossed my mind such as, “Am I not good enough?”, “Am I stupid?”, and “Did I just waste four years of my life to graduate with no job?”.

I started imagining myself earning my BSN, passing the NCLEX, but still only being stuck working as a medical scribe—the job I’m doing now. The shame is overwhelming, and I feel so disappointed in myself. I can’t even face anyone because I’m so consumed by this sense of failure. It’s SO hard not to compare myself to the rest of my cohort, where it now seems like I’m going to be the only one without a job. Crazy thing is, I’m a person with a strong faith in the Lord. Even when I was diagnosed with T cell lymphoma back in 2022, I remained faithful in the Lord. I don’t know why I feel different now. I feel like my prayers have been unheard. Like all my work was for nothing. I’m about to walk in that Pinning Ceremony and be the only one to say “ I hope to get a job in xxx” while everyone else says, “I’ve accepted an offer at xxx”. All my friends and family will be there, and I just feel immense shame.

Anyways, this post is more of a vent. I think I’d start ventilating again if I were to share how I feel about this vocally. I know everything happens for a reason. It still just doesn’t erase how bad I feel. Now my fear is that I’m going to forget all my skills and knowledge by the time I do get in, if I’m lucky enough to get in the next round.