Porn destroyed my life. Got caught concealing my worst porn habits from spouse. Marriage now in shambles.

Can anybody relate to my situation or has been through something similar?

I have been porn free for two months now, ever since that fateful day where she walked in on me looking at porn. She had always been a big anti-pornography advocate and it absolutely destroyed her knowing that for nearly a decade I was sexualizing other women and not remaining loyal. She made it explicit she didn’t want to date a porn guy on our first date and I should’ve had the courage to come clean years ago. She’s been robbed of the love she thought she once had, and now she doesn’t even know who I am anymore.

I hit rock bottom when I found myself caught lie after lie about how bad my porn use really was. I thought I was protecting her from being any more hurt but I was wrong, this made the trust issues worsen. She did an insane amount of detective work and eventually found out I was concealing my depraved 4chan activity, posting porn on Reddit, watching deepfakes, watching nude movie scenes, porn of legal teens when I’m almost twice their age, and amassing a huge collection of my favorite porn material on my PC. She was even able to trace I was watching porn on some of the most important days of our relationship. I wanted to give it up but the addiction grew worse and worse my sense of morality could not even compete.

I still want to put in the effort to make this marriage work out because I love her and want to earn back her love again, but the damage has already been done. I’m actively trying to talk her out of divorcing me, hoping she could find the strength to forgive and rebuild. Porn is sick misogynist bullshit that I shouldn’t have touched with a ten foot pole, and it has destroyed my life and I want nothing to do with it anymore.

So that is my story. I have no idea how it will turn out. I’m just sharing my shame and trying to cling onto the last remnants of life in this failed romance. If you ever find yourself in a position to “come clean”, please don’t be like me and hide shit. It won’t turn out pretty. Don’t let it get too late before you admit you have a problem.

If you have some words of encouragement or advice, I’d really love to hear it. How can I even begin to smooth things over? I’m down bad right now and have been thinking about some dreadful thoughts, but I don’t want to give up.