Coming out...

I'm gonna post what I wrote to my dad while I was on a bus:

Hi Dad,

Before I say anything, I'm really sorry for everything I'm about to tell you. You even have the right to ditch me after this, I'll accept my fate. But, I request you to read everything before taking any decision.

So the thing is, I have been in this conflict since childhood, every night I cuddled with my body pillow, I imagined myself as a traditional "wife". I always wanted a "husband", a man, whom I'll deeply care for. I know this is absurd, you'll probably laugh, or even feel disgusted. But i can't hide it anymore. I have tried my best to pretend to be a rough boy in front of people, but in private I am way different. No one knows, but I'm actually way more elegant and sophisticated than I appear to be.

I've wanted to care for someone, and I always look for a man for this very purpose, and i know this is getting super weird, but I've had these thoughts about you as well, no it's nothing romantic, it's just a deep caring bond. In reality I'm very very frail and fragile, I'm definitely not the way I present myself in front of everyone.

Yes Dad, I'm leaning towards bending my gender. I've done so since childhood, but i was extremely scared to come out. I am... trans...

BUT, I don't want to transition, ever. I don't want any sort of surgery on me. I won't ever put that pressure on you. Nor do I want anyone else to know this aspect, I'll continue pretending to be the way I do, to everyone else I'll be the same boy I was. You're the only person I came out to, and i feel comfortable doing so. Don't worry daddy, you don't need to tell anybody, nor would I tell anybody. Let this be our little secret.

I feel extremely vulnerable telling you this, but I'm happy to let you know it all. If you want, I'll tell you everything in detail later.

In fact, this was my reason to join queer groups and make like minded friends, even though they don't know this aspect of mine.

Don't worry Dad, I love you and you know I'll never do anything that puts a potential burden on you. It's just...i don't know... If you feel disgusted with me after this, I'll never show my face at home again. But, I'm still your child, I love you a lot, more than anyone else in this world, and I care a lot about you. And don't worry, I'm still the same. :)

Please don't be scared, I'm still the same, I'm still your same child. Just...with new feelings and a new found courage to come out to the person I feel the most comfortable with.

I love you dad, I really do

There's a chance you'll hate me after this, and that's valid. I understand a father's concern. If you truly hate me after this, I'll never stand in front of you again.

But, if you allow me back in, I'll love you a lot more, and I promise you this will stay a secret. No one will ever know about it, and I promise you I'll never let society hurt you any way, even if it means concealing my identity.

Please tell me something...even if it's a "Don't come back"...