We're not a team

We're not a team. It's impossible to be a team with him. It's his way or the high way.

My 11 month old has just started nursery. It is winter bugs season so she caught a stomach bug. One the Friday, nursery rang me and I went and got her. She recovered over the weekend and we put her back in nursery on the Monday. By lunchtime she had vomited a few times. I was at work in a meeting, discussing a document with an internal client (I'm an in house lawyer) and left my personal phone on my desk. Nursery tried to ring, couldn't get through and rang my husband.

Mid-afternoon (it was a long-ass meeting) we took a break and I saw my inbox - two FURIOUS emails from my husband all "PICK UP YOUR PHONE [DAUGHTER] IS SICK!"

So I rang him. He was FURIOUS. He was angry that he'd rung me 9 times. I was a bit mystified and asked him if the baby was ok. He said he'd picked her up and brought her home. I was like, "Ok? I'll come back when my meeting finishes." He was furious still - he had to stop work, I wasn't picking up, what if it was serious, he had to pick her up without the car seat bla bla bla. I was just like, well, I've got 1 hour left in this meeting and then I'll come and take over.

Later that night after the kids were in bed I decided I'd speak to him about his attitude over it, because it fucking stank to be honest. I think he was just pissy because I usually just deal with it and he had to.

I asked him why he was so mad - he said he rang me 9 times and emailed me and I didn't respond. I explained I did respond, there was a delay but I rang as soon as I saw the emails. He was angry he didn't have my work phone and said I'd refused to give him it for confidentality. I don't believe that. I probably didn't give him it because reception where I work is awful. However, later that night I gave him it and I saw him surreptitiously deleting a contact for My Name - Work (might have been my old number). Either way, I've emailed him from work before so if he really needed it he could have got it from my signature. I explained he could have rung our reception and someone would have found me if it was an emergency.

He was still angry - what if it was an emergency? I just shrugged and said the nursery would have called an ambulance if it was a life and death and I saw the messages 2 hours later. I explained my position - I wasn't available but he was and he got her and I left work early to take over so I didn't understand his anger. I said if the situation was reversed I'd have left a voice message, or whatsapp and got on with it.

He was still pissed but now pivoted to the fact that the baby car seat is in my car and he only had our other kid's car seat in his car so he was forced to drive her back in an unsafe car seat. I just stared at him and calmly explained that he could have gotten the pram from the garage and picked her up because we live a 10 minute walk from the nursery. Or put her in the sling. He sort of apologised and said he didn't think of that and well obviously I would have handled it different. I just shrugged and said yeah I would have.

He then pivoted to how he was just thinking about get her home as quickly as possible and she was sick. I just kind of sighed. I mean yes ill children isn't great, but you got there quickly, what is the problem? He was just still angry and snapped "SHE WAS VOMITING!" I'm like yeah but she has a bug. It happens. Not great but really if she was seriously ill nursery would ring an ambulance.

Eventually we got back on to responsiveness. I just scoffed and said what do you think people did in the 90s when we had no mobile phones?

He angrily said, "In the nineties you wouldn't work."

So yeah, he was pissed he had to come get our kid because it's MY job. Finally got him to halfway admit it.

And I realised I would let him have his anger and annoyance. It has no bearing on me. I wish we were a team but we're not.