Struggling with the decision to have kids in an unpredictable future

Hi everyone,

I’m a 35-year-old woman, and I’ve recently started thinking about having a child. This is the first time I’ve truly been able to consider it, as I’m now in the longest relationship of my life—over three years—and things are going well with my partner. I’ve also achieved some of the life goals I had been working toward, but now I find myself feeling a bit purposeless.

Many of my friends are having kids, and people often warn me about the ticking biological clock and the possibility of future regret if I don’t have children. While I’d love to experience the joys and sense of purpose that raising a child could bring, I’m deeply conflicted about bringing a new life into the world as it is today.

I’m struggling to reconcile my desire for a child with concerns about where the world seems to be heading. We’ve lived through a pandemic and might face more in the future. Wars, political instability, and rapid technological changes, such as AI, make me question what opportunities will be available for future generations. In my country, young people already face immense challenges in achieving financial security, like owning a home. Even I could lose my job due to AI, before it even comes to my future child struggling with finding a job.

Climate change is particularly alarming—access to drinkable water and basic resources could become more difficult in many parts of the world. I know some people might argue that people have been having children through tough times, such as during the World Wars. But they didn’t have access to the information we do now, and their views on birth control and family planning were often different. They also hoped for better days when the wars ended, whereas climate change has irreversible aspects that make the future feel even more uncertain.

I know my perspective may sound pessimistic, but these thoughts weigh heavily on me. I can’t help but feel selfish for wanting a child, knowing they might face these struggles, especially once I’m no longer here to support them.

To those who’ve had similar doubts, especially parents: How did you come to terms with these concerns? Did you ever feel this way, and think about these things, and if so, how did you find peace or a sense of perspective?

I’d love to hear your thoughts, and I hope this doesn’t bring the mood down.