when will this end

yesterday I've stepped on the scale for the fisrt time since August. I'm officiallybmi 12,5.

I can't do this anymore. I don't know what to do. I can not recover. When I've asked for help, when I still wanted help, i was told to deal with it on my own. But I can't. And I don't think I want to anymore.

Everything hurts. I can't do anything without feeling pain, I can't sleep, I can barely force myself to continue walking. I still have to attend classes. People expect me to do well. I can't quit. I can't stop. But it is so, so hard.

I'm really trying to hold on. I'm really trying. But I don't think I can do this for long. I'm just waiting for the inevitable to come, but it doesn't, and I don't know why, and it's even more painful.

A horrible ending is better than an endless horror, but when will this ending finally come? When can I finally get some rest from this all?