That goal has everything...
Stepovers
Incredible pace
Superb vision
Time wasting by the goalie
Playing out from the back
A high backline
A clean first touch
A heavy second touch
A morally reprehensible third touch
A 12 month subscription to the New York Times
Hallway soup
Yellow cards for dissent
Red cards for bad breath
Dives worthy of an Oscar
A dead battery in a sideline official’s communication system
A 500 piece jigsaw puzzle with 6 pieces missing
An uncalled foul even though he's bleeding from his eyes
A January pitch so poor that it should be on welfare
Offensive chants from the visiting fans
Lighters and coins thrown by the home fans
Players going up into the stands to fight the fans
An IRA (not The IRA)
Declan Rice's betrayal of the Irish National Team
An obvious handball, but not called as a handball, because who the hell knows what constitutes a handball nowadays, and besides, VAR will check it and not change the call
Ange-ball
An offside so bad even Ray Charles saw it
A 33 minute VAR check
Poorly poured pints of Guinness
Slide tackles deserving a 3 game suspension
Throw-ins taken 30 yards upfield from where it actually went out
Jerseys with a Bimbo logo
A Neil Peart drum solo
Scottish lungs
Galacticos
Wonderkids
Beanies
18 minutes of Lexus stoppage time
Bigfoot sightings
The fourth official verbally abused by a goaltending coach
A 10 point deduction that puts them in the relegation zone
Significant others sticking up for their man on Twitter
The smell of hickory and nostalgia
Sheep
The moon
Football cards sold in the driveway for a dollar
A shut-up boy
A failed fistbump-slash-handshake that results in a hand on fist and the utterance of “Aww, Eff!”
And
“Pregnant baby” celebrations (honestly, I don't get the point of that celly. Can someone explain it to me?)