I now know what absolute rock bottom feels like

It's been less than a week since she left. I feel utterly bereft and completely unable to function. I'm supposed to be working, but instead I'm sat here alone staring into space. Suddenly every part of my life feels like it's falling apart, and I can't imagine a future anymore.

The guilt is the hardest part. My partner simply needed more emotional safety to share her feelings—something she absolutely deserved—but I avoided providing it, consumed by fear of criticism and what it might mean about me. Too caught up in my own head, fixated on negatives: our lack of connection and intimacy that I failed to address, the parts of her I didn’t like or felt didn’t align with me, and my inability to regulate my emotions effectively. It was easier for me to retreat and complain than to do the work necessary to be the kind of partner she needed.

And now she's gone. This wonderful, kind and caring person, and I've lost her because I failed to step up. At 40, I fear I'll never find someone like her again, or anyone in fact, and I'll have to live with this shame and regret for the rest of my life. It's just so fucking bleak.