First time, give me the worst advice please.

First time player, please give me the worst advice to follow. Send me down the worst or funniest path possible.

I played games like New Vegas and The Outer Worlds as a low intelligence type character, to very amusing results.

Update: Thanks you guys are the best, this has been the worst. Orc lady and emo girl are dead, I think the vampire is coming on to me. I stole the statue, wasn’t great. Now on my way to to some hut to smash some old lady hopefully.