The realization you drove everyone away, and no one thinks about you

I don't know about y'all but being naturally reserved, I always had a hard time making friends and bonding with people especially of my gender (female). The few ones I had over middle and high school, all broke contact with me by my fault. Nothing big, but I have made stupid decisions, and some straight up told me they didn't agree with my lifestyle choices or just "you're just not fun, we don't get along like before" (while I was always happy to see her)

My ex whom I still love doesn't want anything to do with me, because I'm too unstable, my mom prefers to spend the night with her boyfriend...

I still check my previous loved one's social media, they keep seeing the people in our previous friend group, in every situation I was the black sheep and people were better off without me.

I don't think I'm a bad person, definitely not a saint either, actually I just see myself as this sad young girl who doesn't know what to do in life, I still feel like a kid trying to understand the world and why people don't seem to want to be with me. It just hurt on a Sunday evening like that to realize I'm all alone, no one caring enough to check on me, just like when I was 12, and probably how I will be all of my life. :/