Back on antidepressants, I hate him

Just venting and ranting lol I was on antidepressants after a bad injury that left me on stand by for a year and had a big impact on my mental health. After i met him, I was happy and decided to stop the meds. And then a month later he ended things (I remember feeling so vulnerable sharing that with him and he barely asked me any questions and maybe that was me worrying too much but I felt judged for telling him I was taking them even though I explained why) And now almost 4 months post break up, I went to the doctor and asked to be on them again because the dark thoughts keep coming back and the emotional pain of the break up is too strong for me to handle. I need that help. And I hate him for doing this to me.