After 30 years of marriage, I discovered something huge.

After 30 years of marriage, two kids, two miscarriages, three major moves, five higher education degrees to both of our names, my ADHD Diagnosis at age 43, major illnesses, teenage and young adult sons both with ADHD and low support needs level 1 autism, Misophonia, and two pets, I’m absolutely feeling unhinged and furious right now.

So for some background info., I willingly followed following my husband’s educational pursuits, and his career, and have been the stay at home parent while working a part-time job and supporting everyone else’s dreams and needs. So, after the 99,000 argument this morning with my husband I realized that he doesn’t actually like me nor does his respect me. Like, not at all.

I mean this realization felt like I was hit by a train. Talk about slow processing!

I’m finally medicated after years of trying to figure out what was wrong with me, so I think the meds have helped me to sort out these feelings after a long time of not taking them more seriously. Or blaming myself.

So I think…..I want out. I’m terrified, though, because I have no money, only a part-time job, and our sons desperately need us both.

I just can’t wrap my head around the fact that due to years of my masking and his masking (he’s undiagnosed ADHD/autism which is a whole other story) in our early years, I’ve come to the realization just NOW that we can no longer make this marriage work because:

he doesn’t like me.

Yes, he is attracted to me, wants lots of sex and home cooked meals and someone to do the emotional labor but that’s it.

Can anyone help me sort this out? Can anyone identify?

I’m very confused about what to do now and am worried that I’m the problem (like he says) and so am distorting my vision of myself within this relationship.

Thanks in advance.