Am I overreacting for being so Ultra frustrated right now.

I don’t even know where to put this. I honestly don’t think I’m overreacting and wouldn’t have put what I’m about to write down in this category, but I don’t know where else to put it

A very, very nice commentor, summarized everything for me. But the rest of my original ranting post will be beneath the summary for anyone who wants to read an ultra long, most likely confusing rant. I’m 30, visually impaired, and a live-in caregiver for my grandma after also caring for my late grandpa. I don’t get paid, and my family criticizes me while making me pay rent and utilities on a fully paid-off house. They don’t acknowledge my contributions or sacrifices, and I’ve even gone into debt caring for my grandparents.

My sister and brother-in-law are supportive—he’s paying for me to study accounting, and he’s promised to help me start a career. But my mom and others are constantly criticizing my choices, especially about my guide dog and my rabbits, which bring me comfort and joy. My mom doesn’t want me to get a new guide dog until my current one passes, even though that would leave me without one for years.

On top of everything, my family makes decisions in our home without considering me, like rearranging the kitchen, making it harder for me to function. I also missed a critical court date for my brother due to misinformation, and it broke my heart because I’ve never missed one before. I feel judged and dismissed for being blind, and I’m frustrated that people constantly try to dictate my life while ignoring my efforts and independence. I just want to be accepted and left alone to live my life on my terms.

here is the original post. I am just so frustrated and so hurt. This is going to be a long one. I just turned 30. I’m visually impaired so it’s fucking hard getting a job. No one wants to hire a blind person. I have a used to say supportive family but right now I don’t feel like they’re very fucking supportive. I’m not even sure exactly where to start, but let’s suffice it to say that I’m a live in caregiver for my grandma. My grandfather passed. We cared for him too. That is my mom and I. And I don’t get paid for it. My grandparents had too much money to qualify for in-house supportive services but not enough money to afford caregivers. So it’s me and my mom. And I don’t mind necessarily. I love my grandma. I don’t care that I’m not paid. What really bites me in the ass is when my aunts and uncles act like I don’t do shit and make me pay rent and for utilities and things. By the way, the house is fully paid off. My grandma uses a fully electric bed. We have to wash her bedding and clothes basically every day we are doing at least two or three loads of laundry for my grandma. It was the same for my grandpa. They need the ultra warm all the time so the heat is on a lot. I’m not saying I shouldn’t pay for utilities. They’re also not all my utilities. That’s frustrating. But they’re assholes so it is what it is. I’m here for my grandma not for them. And yes, I don’t have a job so how do I pay rent you ask I get Social Security supplemental income. And there is a lot that I’ve had to personally pay out of my own pocket to the point where I am in debt For my grandparents because my Aunts and uncles didn’t think it was necessary, but it has actually help them a lot. I don’t get very much money from the government. I get $1000. I don’t even qualify for very much money on Fresh. I just applied recently. I qualify for $32. LMBO. What a fucking crock of shit. However, my sister and my brother-in-law have two kids that I babysit for regularly and they pay me. They have their own businesses and recently my brother-in-law was so freaking kind to pay for me to go to school online. So that’s what I’m doing right now. I’m learning. I am really grateful! My brother-in-law and my sister own a gym and a grocery store. It’s like a mom and pop natural organic type produce store. More than grocery store, although they do have some dry goods. My brother-in-law said that once I am a certified accountant, he would really love it if I would do their books and he could show me and help me start my own company if I wanted and help me get set up. like I said, I really really appreciate how much he is helping me out!! One thing about me is I have a guide dog she is awesome even though it’s tough with the current climate with all the fake service animals and essays that are running rampant. But it is what it is again. my guy is close to retirement age. She’s very healthy but I had a visit from the guide dog school and they said that she can retire anytime. They’re going to do a new visit in three months to see how she’s doing and if they feel she’s ready, they’ll retire her right then there. They suggested that I apply for a new dog in the meantime. It’ll take anywhere from six months to two sometimes three years to get a guide dog. I personally want a poodle guide dog because it’s so much less shedding and they’re hypoallergenic. I mentioned this to my mom. Who promptly said you are not getting a guide dog until your current guide has passed. Some of the benefits to getting another dog, even though my girl can be so jealous is that what I’m in public walking anywhere it’s pretty amazing. Think of it like you are the GPS and the dog is the driver. It’s fast my guide will show me obstacles in the way to help me avoid them if they’re an avoidable or just take me directly around them. A guide dog will help me avoid all obstacles that are possibly gonna hit me in the head or that I might trip over. It’s amazing. Whereas if I had a cane every single bump in the road, I’d have to figure out. It’s like a hard contact for like your ping-ponging from one object to the next. It can be a little clunky and sometimes it’s still going. A white cane also doesn’t protect your upper body from objects. I had a friend who was walking down the street once. She didn’t have a guide dog. She had a cane. I don’t remember where she was going, but apparently there was a large moving truck or semi truck of some kind parked in an alley. It was up enough so that it blocked the sidewalk. So she didn’t hear it and she didn’t see it. She was using her cane and it went directly under the body of the truck and she crashed hard face and chest first. She fell backwards onto the ground, and her nose was bleeding. She was disoriented and ultra embarrassed. my friend said all she could do was find her cane which had fell out of her hand so she had to crawl all over the floor feeling everywhere for her cane. She eventually found it then she had to re-orient herself, which can be difficult. She had to find the truck and feel all the way around the truck walk into the street where cars resuming by. So with one hand, she was feeling the semi truck and trailing around it going around back. She was using her cane. She hit the hitch or something. I don’t know what she said it was I don’t think she actually knew what it was with her knee which really hurt and she said later, she had a big bruise. She continued trailing back around it with her and her hand touching the truck until she found the other side of the sidewalk. She said she had blood gushing out of her nose she had a lot of pain in her butt and back and elbows her chest her face everywhere essentially. And she was more than halfway to her destination. I think she was going to the post office. But this stuff can happen. No one thinks about blind people until it’s too late and even so most people don’t care. And what was she supposed to do with blood running down her face and odd her body limping and going to the post office. What she supposed to ask somebody if they can she can use their restroom. Blind people get ignored all the time. Looking like that. I think she went into a Starbucks that she knew and use the restroom, but still. She had blood at that point in her hair, her face her clothes were stained and she had been crying. this wouldn’t have happened if she had a dog or if the truck hadn’t parked there, or if she could see. So anyways, a guide dog is preferable for things like that, including branches and stuff. Another benefit of having a guide dog is weirdos approach you less. As a blind person, especially if you don’t have a dog sometimes even if you do have a dog people are very strange. They want to rob you or whatever. I had gotten an Uber years ago when I had my new guide and my Uber driver wasn’t taking the right route. I could tell because I was listening to my GPS and it was reading the streets. We had a turn onto unfamiliar street and I was just about to ask if we were taking a detour when my guide stood up and growled in his face and he said oh, your dog will bite? And I said if you try to hurt me. He said oh I’m extremely sorry. I’ll take you back to your location. He apologize for the rest of the way and he asked me not to give him a poor rating. Which of course I did. So a guide dog for some blind people could be pretty necessary. And I say some because other people just don’t want the hassle of having an animal to take care of and some people aren’t dog people which is fine. I’ll be honest, I can get along quite well with a cane even though it’s a contact sport But I prefer a Dog. It’s much less hassle for me. Another thing is a younger dog specifically a well trained guide dog will be a benefit to my little old lady here. they help older dogs and keep them young by playing with them cuddling with them and providing them more companionship. While guide dogs typically guide for an average 8 to 10 years they live anywhere from 12 to 15 years. So when my mom said that she really frustrated me. I couldn’t believe that she put that caveat on me. She doesn’t pay for the dog food I do she doesn’t pick up after the dog. I do she doesn’t brush or take my guide to the groomers I do. So very frustrating for me that she did this. another thing about me is that after Covid I had a friend who had bunnies and she gave me one. She introduced me to showing rabbits and I love it. The show rabbit community is so nice and welcoming to me. And that is something serious when you’re blind. Most people act like you’re an alien or they don’t talk to you or don’t know what to say to you they don’t know how to deal with you and you get ignored a lot. It’s Frustrating hurtful, and can be very lonely. I mean, I could literally walk up to somebody and ask a question. They will look around as if they don’t know who I’m talking to or act as if I’m speaking in a foreign language. Then will walk away. Sometimes they’ll actually put their head down and continue scrolling on their phone or whatever or turn around. Doesn’t help that for these past four years. I’ve been here taking care of my grandpa and then my grandma so thought I can meet any work friends or anything like that. the rabbit community is super Duper nice. But lately I haven’t been able to get to shows because my friend moved and she used too take me to shows and my family won’t take me to shows and so I want to go to rabbit shows it’s something fun. It’s a cool hobby and I absolutely adore my rabbits. i’ll be honest. I have nine of them. They hop around outside on my grass. I play with them and hold them and cuddle them. They’re so sweet. I really love them and they provide me a lot of comfort. So does my guide. But recently my brother-in-law was talking to me and he mentioned that I’ve been doing this for a long time and he doesn’t understand to him. Everything is business business, and making money. So he mentioned getting rid of my rabbits. He said they’re not profitable. I was confused as to why he was bringing it up. I mean honestly what does it matter to him? My mom has mentioned getting rid of my rabbits. My aunts have mentioned getting rid of my rabbits. I mean, honestly no one uses the backyard. They live outside and I clean their cages. I groom them. My Sister help me cut their nails. They are healthy and fine. However, these last few days have just been even more frustrating for me. Sometimes my aunts or uncles come to help take care of my grandma they come on a rotating schedule every other month. So my uncle came this past weekend. Gave my mom and I a much needed break. But my uncle rearrange the fridge, the cabinets and everything so in my own house now I can’t find anything to fucking eat. I don’t know what’s in the containers and it’s extremely frustrating. Rearrange the cabinets so I’m having a hard time cooking and finding all the ingredients I need because everything is rearranged. And we have everything arranged the way my grandma used to have it arranged so I don’t know why they think they can come in here and just rearranged the entire kitchen. Also, where did he freaking find the time to do that? I mean, isn’t he supposed to be taking care of my grandma? But he did it. And so I’m extremely frustrated. As for today. I have an older brother who has mental disabilities. He had a court date. He is under conservatorship, and I go to every single one of his court dates. But because of the fires here in Los Angeles, I wasn’t sure if his court date was still on as this courthouse has closed and reopened a few times. When I looked at the inmate information portal, it didn’t say anything about a court date and as I have limited funds, I didn’t wanna go And come back because it’s so expensive. It cost me about $100 to go and come home. And yes, there are things like access transit. But if I already use access, I have to make sure I have access three hours in advance. And for me three hours in advance with me and I have to get Access at 5 AM and they would drop me off well it was still dark with all kinds of homeless people. Because there is a possibility that I would have a lot of share rides but at 5 AM there’s also a huge possibility and it’s most likely they’re just gonna drop me off at the courthouse in the pitch black. So to me, that’s not safe. If I already had Access at six, I definitely have sharerides and I’ll get there at nine and court starts at 8:30. I also have to wait for the driver to have a 20 minute window so I get there at 9:20. I cannot miss my court dates. But they have zoom meetings. So I called the public defender and this morning I talked to the office and a nice lady sent me a link. I would’ve gone anyways I’ll be perfectly honest. I would’ve just taken an Uber, but my mom convinced me that it most likely wasn’t in session because his court date wasn’t on the inmate information center website. And she wasn’t gonna come even though she comes more often than not. She didn’t wanna go. She didn’t wanna wake up early and so she made up a bunch of excuses that my aunt was gonna be here for the morning so we could go and so I believed her That we could just zoom in even though I didn’t really want to. So any case this woman send me the link I’ve been on zoom listening to all these cases for two hours now and come to find out that I got the wrong link for the wrong courtroom. Which just fucking pisses me off. Because these conservator court cases are very important and it’s extremely important for family to be there. I wasn’t there. I’m always there. I have no idea what happened in court today. The last time I spoke with my brother I promised him might be there and I wasn’t. And we did talk about even if I wasn’t there in person they were are always the video calls, but I’m always there in person. I when I went and told my mom that I missed the whole thing, she was still sleeping and said I know, I did too. Like what? I know she’s my brothers mom and I know she loves him but what the fuck? She gets mad and tells me you act like you care more but I’m his mom. She’s his mom. But at the same time when things like this happen I sometimes question. so anyways, I was really really angry and frustrated and I was talking to my sister. And I told her about my conversation with my mom about the dog situation. And so I told my sister that I told my mom I have to move out. And my sister‘s response was well. You can’t move out until you get rid of all your bunnies. You have a lot of things to take care of especially those rabbits. My Rabbits? They’re not, they’re not having babies. They eat grass around my yard. I keep the boys separate from the girls and they’re fine. I mean, we don’t have to mow grass because they eat grass. They live outside so it’s not like they’re in the house either. I love myrabbits. I love going to rabbit shows it’s a very very nice community where I am welcome for one even though I am blind. Everyone is super nice. So why the fuck won’t anybody? Leave me the fuck alone about my rabbits? Like the only thing I do apart from school, babysitting, and taking care of my grandma. I love my rabbits and I really enjoy going to rabbit shows. So why can’t, everyone just leave me alone about my rabbits? I mean seriously? I’m not telling them meaning my aunt and uncles, and their fancy fucking cars and great jobs that they need to stop spending money or doing things they enjoy doing. Why does everybody feel like they get to dictate my life. Anytime I do something that people don’t agree with. They’ll have to comment and say something. Everybody has to have an opinion on my life and I don’t understand why? If I have the money, I’d fucking move right now but I don’t. Well, honestly, I wouldn’t because I need to be here with my grandma. I honestly moved in to help my grandpa. He had cataract surgery and on the way to his cataract surgery as he was walking through the parking lot he tripped and fractured his hip. So I moved in to help take care of my grandpa and help him recover. He never recovered. And it was clear by that time that he had a lot of confusion which we found out later he had, dementia. My grandma also has dementia. So I wouldn’t leave even if I had the money too. But I just gotta study so I can make money and get the fuck away from everybody. That is after my grandma passes anyways. I’m just so frustrated! I mean, why the fuck can’t my family just accept me and let me be? I mean, I care for myself. I cook, I clean, I help take care of my grandma. Change her do all the things she needs. Make sure she has the right medication. I take care of my niece and nephew. I have babysat basically all of my niece and nephews in my family. I am really good with kids. And some of you might be thinking yeah fucking right. She’s blind what the fuck can she do? And you guys are the problem. You guys just say I could never live without site. If you were blind, you’d figure out. I know for a fact that some people who are reading this are also saying she’s not blind, if she was, how did she write this? To you guys I would just say there’s something called technology. Makes things accessible. And right now, I don’t have the patience to type. I’m just so frustrated. So I’m using an option that everybody has on their phone called dictation. I press a button and talk. It’s pretty simple. I just wish people in general would stop being surprised that I’m smart, that I know things. Treated me like I’m an idiot and brushing me off until they realize I’m not an idiot. I’m just blind. I mean, this is not a unique experience. Obviously my story itself is, but people in the blind community aren’t getting jobs because other people who aren’t blind who have site judge them and judge them based on what they don’t understand. Because our disability is so visible everyone knows AT so of course blind people aren’t getting jobs. And yes, anybody can say that illegal. 100% is. But when a bunch of people are applying at one of them happens to be blind, there’s no excuse needed. All they have to say is I found a better candidate somebody we liked better they interviewed better they say whatever they want. It doesn’t matter.anyways, rant over. Thanks for reading.