My sexual desire

So I have so little experience w i don’t really know alot , had couple partners but usually nothing serious or we lose communication Sometimes i feel bad about how i looked with the person or how he sees me ? Never had an orgasm by someone or actual sex Usually my fav part is making out and cuddling A year ago i met this guy he is nice we did some things but we lose communication then after a couple months he get back and usually invites me over then again we don’t talk Makes me feel like i am a tool to him He told me before i am a good girl and it wouldn’t be fare to be with him ( انتي محترمه انا قليل الادب ) Anyway i don’t think he knows that our casual hookup is the only intimacy i got all year I am pretty lonely but i don’t like how i feel about myself i used to believe I deserve love now I don’t even know if its an option Also what i tell myself that even if he wants more he never take off my panty or do anything i wouldn’t want I don’t know if another person would do the same I am lost for him cause he is the only person who i have been with but i don’t think its the same for him at all i dont knw if i will ever have a good experience and sometimes i don’t care But others i am obsessed