How to deal with tone/behaviour policing because I’m lost

My husband (dx not medicated) is the absolute worst for policing how you say things or how you react to things

I will be saying something and he will get annoyed and tell me “why did you say whatever like that you should have said it like this for example a few days ago it was getting late and I was very tired he was talking and when he was finished I told him “you should go do what you need to do I can’t keep my eyes open I’m so tired” he got upset and said “I would like to go to sleep now why don’t you finish up” I just said sorry and moved on but am I crazy for thinking that’s basically the same thing

It doesn’t just stop at the way I say things it’s also how i react the other day I was on one end of the house and my husband and toddler was on the other end I heard a loud smack and then our son started screaming so I yelled what happened and I guess he didn’t like that because he later told me I need to stop being over reactive and I “make everything worse” by not letting him deal with it (Our son had hit his head on the coffee table and was ultimately fine but it made me upset obviously)

I genuinely don’t know how to not walk on egg shells well also not activating his RSD If I could have any advice you got that would be great